Funny Sports Quotes...

"That was just instinct. Kind of like running from the cops, I guess you could say." -- Virginia's Marquis Weeks after returning a 100-yard kickoff against UNC

"It's one of those things when you are in a role you have to do what they ask you to do. If they want me to come in and stick it in, I have to come in and stick it in."
-- Jerome Bettis on his changing role with the Steelers

"We have a lot of stars, just no one you've ever heard of."
-- 49ers GM Terry Donahue

"I may have smoked too much weed, but I wasn't taking drugs or anything."
-- Mike Tyson on his loss to Lennox Lewis

"I ain't the same person I was when I bit that guy's ear off."
-- Mike Tyson

"The knee feels fine, I've been training Confuciously."
--Mike Tyson telling ESPN's Pedro Gomez about his latest comeback

"If you think I'm a loser, that I'm a bust, that's fine, but you don't know me. I don't have a problem with people thinking I was a bad football player. I wasn't a particularly good pro football player. But I was a great college player, and that's something."
-- Ryan Leaf

I stole all of these from ESPN.com. But they are good for a laugh anyway...

Top Ten Differences Between NYC and Tokyo

Living as long as I have in Tokyo, 1 1/2 years, I am able to make an accurate assesment of the many differences between NY and Tokyo. So here, ala Letterman, I have made a Top Ten List.

10. The subways in Tokyo turn off at 12:30am...in NY they are 24/7.

9. Cabbies leave their taxis running while they walk inside convenience stores. In NY that's a free ride across town.

8. Beer vending machines; in Tokyo they are the norm, if they had those in NY someone with a baseball bat would start a block party.

7. Instead of terrorists Tokyo has earthquakes. (There was a 5.7 magnitude earthquake 2 hours ago.)

6. Sex...in Tokyo the age of consent is 13. It is also legal to pay for "sucky sucky" and to get a hooker up the ass...in NY that all gets you a nice vacation on Riker's Island.

5. All the Nigerians here are rich, In NY they are "porchmonkeys" up in Harlem.

4. They still have a baseball team called the Giants.

3. Roberto Petagine, perennial strike out artist on the Mets, now hits 40 homeruns a year for the Yomiuri Giants; while Hideki Matsui, formerly of the Giants, now hits long balls for the Yanks.

2. No ghettos in Tokyo.

1. Vibrating Condoms!!