Three Things I Have Been Searching for My Whole Life

People have no found me using search terms I thought only I thought of in the dark recesses of my mind.

They were all searched for on Yahoo!

The funniest of all of them is: Kurt Warner Abortion. I guess this stems from my post about Kurt Warner needing someone to take a rusty hangar and abort him from the Giants' Roster. Will leave you all to find that post on your own.

The next sear that found me is: teens that shit in gays mouths. Can anyone say homophobe?

Finally, this little gem found me also: tokyo + subway + school girls. Japanese school girl references are always appropriate. Just ask Miho, she loves them as much as I do.

Of course people still find me by searching around for Vanessa Williams' Herpes. I hope they find it one day. The whole world knows Rick Fox found it.

My Last Week in Tokyo

I started Tuesday off on the phone with a No. 1 Travel in Shinjuku. They hooked me up with a sweet ass plane ticket back to NY for a Crazy Eddie-like low price. On a side note, I miss those riotous Crazy Eddie commercials during the 5pm Eyewitness News on Ch. 7. Ahh the good ol' days.

Anyway, after coaxing Miho out of bed at around 1230 in the afternoon We went to immigration, which I have mentioned before as being located in a convenient place...the middle of Tokyo Harbor on Tennouzou Isle; a man made island just begging for an earthquake to turn it into the World's largest sink-hole. So Miho and I saunter upstairs to the Application desk and we explain the situation to the lady and she says "dame (pronounced dah-may)," meaning no he can't do that. Miho frantically explains the situation to the aldy and tells her who said it was ok to do that and armed with a mess of papers we go to fill them out. As we walk away we are told to go to the special window in the back-right corner of the 2nd floor.

It just happens to be the "Entertainment" visa window. Otherwise known as the "Stripper Visa." So I frustratingly yell out "I am not a hooker or stripper, what the hell am I doing ova here?" Then we notice a small table called "Window S: For work visa consultation and/or inquiries. Please wait to be assisted, someone will be out shortly." The problem with Window S is that it is not a window. It is a table behind which there is a door. There are no numbers, and no indication of anyone coming out anytime soon. There is a girl who told us she was there for 30 minutes without someone so much as acknowledging her existence. "Smashing!" I thought to myself.

Finally, after what seemed like a decade, someone resembling Smeegle from LOTR pokes her odd little head out and we have all the documents filled out. She speaks no English so Miho talks to her and the lady folds her arms, stands up straight, takes a deep breath, and blurts out "dame!" She had a look of satisfaction on her face like she just caught an overstayer and she would win a promotion to being something other than an Immigration office Window S piss ant. She was wrong though, Miho explained to her who told us it was ok and Smeegle grudingly took the paperwork, along with my Gaijin Card and my passport, and disappeared from whence she came. Behind the door. 20 minutes later she reappeared asking me for a 4,000 yen Revenue Stamp which I gladly went downstairs to the AM/PM to buy. In a little over an hour I left Immigration with a new lease on life, or a "get out of jail free card." Depends on your perspective.

After Immigration we went to Odaiba. We ended up walking around a bit before settling on Decks Tokyo Beach. Inside we went to Little Hong Kong, where we went to this place that serves Chinese food on a rotating belt It was mainly dim sum and the food was awesome. After we headed to Sega Joypolis. I cannot even begin to describe how cool this place is. It is a virtual heaven with VR games and rides out the ass that you have to see to truely believe. We spent 4 hours inside this place. Emerging around 10pm to take a final walk along the man made beach to enjoy the specatacular view of the fake Statue of Liberty and the Tokyo skyline. On the way home Miho fell asleep on the train, dropping and spilling her beer all over a salary man. Smooth!

Wednesday we woke up rather late and I went to the Travel Agent to pay for the plane ticket. Since the place was in Shinjuku I also ran over to Sakura House to cancel my portion of the rent and recoup what is left of my security deposit. They argued that I could not do so without Miho in the office. I said to them "I will be in Osaka until Sunday, when I leave Japan forever." I showed them my flight itinerary. The guy agreed with me and said ok "You will get one day rent refund plus deposit." Only it took him ten minutes to say it cuz his English is as shitty as my Japanese, despite the fact this guy think he is fluent. So the rest of the time there I spent finishing his thoughts for him so as not to kill myself due to listening to him stutter. After an hour I escaped only with a sore ear, from listening to his awful English. Miho and I ended up in Roppongi till the wee hours of the morning Wednesday night. All our friends promised to make sure I forget Saturday night...we shall see. Bring it on I say!

Thursday we slept all day. Nothing big. just spent the day in quietly, together. It was nice to have our last quiet day and night at home for a while.

Today, Friday, shall be quite different. We are saying goodbye to the whole Tokyo Loose crew tonight. Should be emotional. Those guys are great friends to me and I will miss them dearly. We will start off with a nice dinner out, then head over to Loose around 11 or so. Should be a good night. I will spend the rest of the day packing before I go to see Kazuo, and the rest of the Words & Joy posse to collect my final payment for the last class I taught there a few weeks ago. Hopefully his somkin' hott daughters will be there...I know they won't be but a guy can hope right?

2 nights and 3 days left in Tokyo... I never thought I would leave here. I am a bit depressed being home alone today. I wish Miho were here instead of at work. We have so little time together before I leave. It sucks.