Quintessential NY

My what a few months it has been back in NY...am still readjusting to life here. It is not as easy as I thought it would be...have seen a few thigns I thought would amuse a few people, or shock them.

On the PATH train, I saw a homeless guy give money to someone. It went dwn like this...a guy who has probably been smoking crack for so long his brain is literally bubbling like his crackling, smokey savior to the point he is unable to actually mutter an intelligible sentence ran over to a young child of no more than 2 years old and shoved a dollar in his hands. The child started crying and the homeless guy, who looked like the Old Man of the Mountain with his craggy facial features and dirt covered body, got annoyed. He tried to take the money back and the father of the little kid warned the homeless guy, Old Man of the Mountain laughed. Then, with one swift motion of the father's knee the crazy guy was looking at the cieling from the floor on his back.

At Off the Wagon last night, I was outside for a ciggarette and two things happened that blew my mind away. One, a guy I had been inside playing pool with offered a one dollar shoe shine. So I figured what the hell, why not? Only a dollar. He took the Kiwi brand black shoe polish that you buy in the store for a few dollars and put an insane amount on my shoes, then he used his black leather gloves to spread it all over my shoes in an evenly fashion. Then he took some other kind of shiner and did the same shit and told me to wait one minute for it to dry. Picture this, I am standing on th middle of MacDougal Street at 2am with my pants rolled up and this guy on his knees in front of me...sense the homoerotic undertones this guy brings to the table?? WOW, that was a ghetto shoe shine. But my Tim's are still scuff free, thanks ghetto thug guy!

Then, I am by myself and get off my phone and this girl staggers over and then falls into me. I pick her up and she falls into me again...this happens three times till i prop her up on the sign...then she starts hitting on me and trying to kiss me. I told her I wasn't interested in her drunk ass cuz the guy she had waiing for her inside would beat my ass. Then she says..."Wat about tomorrow night?" I say "sorry not into sluts." So she laughs and tells me how she was kicked out of HS and is studying for her GED at age 21!! It gets better, se tells me she was kicked out of a school in Tel Aviv for partying too much...Tel Aviv is like Tokyo...you can't party too much! How did she do that?? I was speechless...and she was proud of it. Ten she grabbed me by my ass and pulled me into her and tried to kiss me saying "You wanna take me out tomorrow night and buy me some drinks?" I respnd "I don't like expensive hookers, if I want ass I can go inside and find a girl in ten minutes. besides your too easy, I like a challenge. laydowns are no fun." She thought I was funny and gave me her phone number.

A few days ago I was walking through Herald Square and a guy had a sign that said "Why lie? I need money for beer, drugs, and hookers. Please oblige" I have plenty o pictures to post up here of crazy signs I have seen. In addition to all the rapper shootouts, terror threats, snow storms, being mugged not too long ago, etc..NY is the greatest city in the world! As much as Micheal Jackson didn't molest those little kids anyway :)