Kobans in Jersey City??

After speaking at length with my landlord about what to do regarding my room-mate. We both decided I should go to the police and file a report about the whole incident. So I go to the Eastern Division Hdqtrs of the JCPD this afternoon and go to the front desk. I tell the lady what ahppened and she yells for one of the officers to come out and help me. Out came the most sarcastic son of a bitch I have ever met in my entire life. The most fun I ever had in a police station.

We start talking and I tell him what happened. He says "Ok, and why are you bothering me?" I say "Cuz you're the one who was picked to deal with me." He says "you 1, me zero. c'mon ya jerk" and we walk into his office. So we go into his office and he starts to look up the info in his computer. He can't find any existence of my address in JC. Nor can he find the owner of the bldg in the tax rolls. So he looks it up in the Cumputer Aided Dispatch history...bang! Three calls to that address. All to my apt, all 3 times were responses to robberies. All three were back in 2001 and earlier. So atleast I dodged that bullet. Then he asked me what I was doing in Japan for two years. I asked him if he ever went and he said "Yeah, I hate that place. No way I'll ever go there again." I asked him why and he said "Cuz I was almost thrown in jail!" Nice, the guy helping me almost got thrown in jail in Tokyo...I thought that was impossible, unless you worked for the recruiting firm I used to work for, or your name was Miho :)

So then he looks over the Western Union receipts for when I sent the money to my room-mate to pay the rent, which he misappropriated and prolly used for drugs. He calls them up after going to their website to get the number...then sees it and says "You had it all along you dumbass, why didn't you tell me?" I said "Cuz you didn't ask." He says "you two, me zero" Then he gets on the phone with some girl from Western Union. Upon finding out she is out in Missouri he says to her "Ahh, nice place that St. Louis. You guys got that arch out there right? I always wanted to check that place out. I'm big into arches. I never get out west though..." and then trailed off into the real reason he called. This guy was a riot. His thick JC accent made his sarcasm that much funnier.

Then he is put on hold and asks me my birthdate...then he says "figures." I ask why and he says "Scorpios always fuck everything up, way to go fuck up." So I reply "You sound just like my dad." He says "See? I told you," and then is back talking to someone else with W.U. Then he finaly gives up after a half hour of this and tells me to show him the website I found the apartment on. So we go to Roommates.com and I show him the profile of the guy who originally had the place b4 me who sublet it to me. As we are logging in he says to me "You do this, that way if any porno pops up I can whoop your ass." So we get in and I find the profile and he says "That guy is huge," laughs, and starts to look the whole thing over. He, now satisfied that the website is useless to him, asks his Sargeant what he thinks we should do.

After I explain the situation to him the guy says I should go to small claims court and sue the guy. Something I can't be bothered with doing. So then he asks me about the police kiosks in Tokyo, the Kobans. Only he didn't know what they were called haha. He goes on to explain that the JCPD is going to start using Kobans in an effort to make the police more visible and keep the city's startling low crime rate the way it is. He tells the guy who had been helping me to get out the file regarding the whole program and show me a picture of it. They break it out all proud of themselves, and how they are the first big city in America to adopt this system of policing.

The thing looked rediculous. I laughed so hard I dropped half my stuff. I couldn't stop laughing. I laughed so hard that tears were coming from my eyes. I was laughing my ass off at these guys who were so proud of their "master plan." They kept saying "what's so funny? why are you laughing?" I said, choking over my laughing, that that thing was "crazy looking. I wouldn't be surprised if it was lit up with paintballs the first day y'all started using it." I then shook their hands, thanked them for their help, and walked out laughing. I laughed for another three blocks. That thing was classic.

JCPD Kobans coming to a street corner near you. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!