Sweet Home Talabama

I wrote this instant classic to the tune of Sweet Home Alabama after reading post of the same name at my boy Paul's Blog, Adventurestan.

Here are the lyrics to it below. I suggest you read the post linked to above. You'll find it much funnier afterward.

Ride the donkey to south Parwan, goin to see man bin Laden.
Singing songs about oppresion, I love being Taliban.
I'm just a young suicide bomber, following Mullah Omar's orders.
I hope Allah will remember, a Jihad doesn't come for free.

Sweet home Talibama, where the taliban are cool.
Sweet home Talibama, no girls allowed in the schools.

In Kandahar they love their warlord, bang! boom! bang!
We all try to overthrow him.
There's no way to stop the violence, our conscience doesn't bother us; PRAISE ALLAH!!!

Sweet home Talibama, where the taliban are cool.
Sweet home Talibama, no girls allowed in the schools.
(not allowed, not allowed)

(Praise Allah-ah-ahhhh!!! Praise Allah-ah-ahhh!!! Praise Allah-ah-ahhhh!!! Praise Allah-ah-ahhh!!!)

Now Karzai thinks he'll get elected, not if we get to him first. (Get to him first!!!)
Killing gets me off so much, it picks me up when I'm feelin' blue, now how bout you?

Sweet home Talibama, where the taliban are cool.
Sweet home Talibama, no girls allowed in the schools.
Sweet home Talibama, where the taliban are cool.
(yeah we're so cool)
Sweet home Talibama, no girls allowed in the schools.

Japanese Pizza

After much thought and also much dissappointment I have decided I will no longer eat Japanese pizza. It is inedible. They put things on pizza that just don't belong. I want to meet the people who set the menus for these shitty piza places at these places corporate headquarters and punch them in their squinty little faces because this is inexcusable. Pizza should be illegal in Japan because the Japanese owned places here have no clue how to make it. That being said...for really good pizza in Japan check out Roppongi Pizzakaya. Otherwise don't bother if you see a Japanese person behind the counter.

The next few pizzas are from Pizza-La.


This scrumptious "pizza" is called the New Fisher and has the following toppings: Shrimp. Squid, Adductor (a part of a fish...don't ask me), Ruiyu Sauce (no clue what that is), Fresh Chopped Garlic, Fresh Mushroom, Onion, Green Pepper, Broccoli, and a Mayonnaise pattern across the top

Who the hell puts that combination of toppings on a pizza?? Nobody! It is a pizza only by name. Also, whoever convinced Japanese people that mayonnaise belongs on pizza was a fucking genious. They put mayonnaise on everything here, but for Christ's sake!!! Leave it off the fucking pizza!!!


This "pizza," called the Negi Bey, has the following toppings: Green Onion, Seaweed, Shoulder Bacon, Applewood Smoked Bacon, Fresh Mushroom, Corn, and Black Pepper.

Why is there seaweed on this?? Fucking Hell!! The corn!! Oh my god, there is corn on every pizza. Even if they do not list it on the toppings it is still on it. Even if you order a normal pepperoni pizza that will have fucking corn on it!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!

The next couple of "pizzas" are from "Strawberry Cones Pizza." These are by far the worst of all.


This "pizza" is called Shrimp Chili. Surprisingly the toppings consist of: Shrimp, Chili Sauce, and some wierd Japanese cheese that does not belong on pizza.

You ass holes!!! Who does that?? You should be burned at the stake! Shrimp and Chili Sauce?? That is the most normal one out of all of their alleged pizzas. It all goes downhill from here.


The "Manhattan Mix" has: Pepperoni, Squid, Black Olive, Giant Rings of Raw Onion placed on top after it is done baking, Mushroom, and Corn

Now call me crazy, but I grew up in NY. I never, in my 21 years of living there, saw a pizza with this conbination of toppings. No one in NY wil lever put pepperoni, squid, and corn on the same pizza!!! Also, the type of squid on this pizza in no way resembles the quid americans might eat on pizza if they were feeling particularly fishy and were in a brazen mood. Manhattan Mix my ass. The only person in Manhattan that might eat this is a pregnant lady going through her wierd cravings...for dessert she will have anchovies and ice cream.

I saved the absolute worst for last. I took this from a website devoted to how shitty Japanese pizza is. I found it after I started writing this post and I refuse to now take it down cuz I am too lazy to find something else to poke fun at today. Here is the original site it is from.


This so called pizza is appropriately called "Kimchi Bacon." It has the following ingredients: Kimchi (Spicy Korean Cabbage), Bacon, Leeks, and 2 Cheeses.

Kimchi Bacon Pizza?? Fuck you!! I bet this is really popular in Korea, where the majority of the food is so shitty you eat McDonalds cuz it is "Fine Dine Cuisine."

I have also seen pizzas made with Squid Ink and Curry but I cannot find a pic of either worth throwing up here, plus I do not want to rip off the guys who actually have entire sites devoted to this. No, I'm not original. Too bad, I thought I was.

As I was writing about the Kimchi Bacon nightmare John Olerud hit a 2 run homerun. The entire stadium is chanting "Who's Your Daddy??!!" to organ music. Funny shit. This is the first playoff series I haven't received any emails from the family about how the Sox and Pedro will come back and win in the 6th or 7th game. I guess they have resigned themselves to the truth. Anything they write to me will get a three word response. Guess what it will be. The Red Sox, tonight, are John Lieber's bitch. To this point he has thrown 73 pitches, 50 of them strikes. Orlando Cabrera has the only hit and Ortiz a walk. The only two base runners of the day for Boston.

Forget Ansky...Who's Your Daddy?!?! That will never go away. Wuhahahahahahahaha!!!!

To Be a Yankee or Red Sox Fan??? That is the Question...

During game one of the ALCS I was chatting with two of my friends. One a Japanese girl who used to live in Boston but likes Matsui, the other a guy from Boston who is an ALT here. The girl is named Ai, the guy named Vin...I am just going to post our conversations...

Ai : are you watching the game? or listening to the radio or something?
Me: matsui just scored...2-0!!
Me: haha
Me: I am chatting with my red sox fan friend now...he is upset
Ai : lol
Ai : i should be a red sox fan too since i was in boston
Me: ouch
Ai : i do like red sox but i like yankees too
Me: you can't like both...it's sacreligious
Me: CHOOSE!
Ai : lol
Ai : i know
Ai : i guess im for yankees now
Me: you're a champion
Ai : i like the players
Me: yay!
Ai : although....i cant turn my back on martinez tho
Me: my friend called you a "traitor"
Ai : lol
Me: I copied and pasted that to him and he is even more upset now
Ai : he in boston?
Me: haha
Me: nahh...Japan, he lives in Nara...he is a JET
Ai : ah ic
Me: yah!
Ai : haha
Ai : well tell him i still like red sox and good ol fenway park
Me: you can't like both!! that's like rooting for both Hitler and France in WW2!!
Ai : LOL
Me: You must choose...muppet
Me: haha
Ai : im a muppet now???
Ai : hahaha
Me: all Red Sox fans are
Ai : lol
Me: because, by definition, a muppet is someone who is controlled like those puppets on TV...since the Yanks own the Sox; Yanks fans own Sox fans...we're in your head!
Ai : hahaha
Me: so who's it gonna be? Yanks or Sox? Good or Evil? Right or Wrong? Pinstripes or "Idiots?"
Ai : lol
Ai : like i said, right now, im for yankees
Me: until they lose to the Sox right?
Ai : no as long as matsui is in
Me: You are painfully Japanese...and by the way, Yanks will always top the Sox in the end
Ai : haha

And now Vin...

Vin : i have the boxscores up and it is pretty sweet on espn
Vin : pitch by pitch
Me: Yeah ESPN has a great setup
Vin : olerud out!!!
Me: it happens
Vin : so who scored
Vin : i missed it
Vin : bernie single??
Me: hit a long foul though down the line first
Me: Matsui scored on bernie's single
Me: check out MLB.com's setup...it's even sweeter...
Vin : and matsui hit sheffieild in
me: yup
Vin : damn japanese
Me: http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/scoreboard/sb_20041012.html
Me: click on the link titled "gameday" on the top of the little boxscore
Me: I have that and the radio broadcast going
Vin : is that the 9.95 deal??
Me: that's what i got...but the gameday thing is free
Vin : i think i can deal with espn
Me: wait...I got the 14.95 deal...
Me: the mlb.com applet is wicked cool man...it has the exact location of the pitches in the strike zone...
Me: it's quite elaborate...you only need to pay to listen or watch the tv telecasts...not to see the applet thingy
Vin : i was downloading that last time and my computer shut down remember??
Me: ahhh that's what did it...muh bad
Vin : maybe nit
Vin : not
Vin : i was downloading too many things at once
Me: hah...at work?
Vin : umm yes i am
Me: Mo just got to Yankee Stadium
Me: yes!
Vin : MO???vaughn
Me: Mariano Rivera...Mo Vaugh is a ghost in NY haha
Vin : oh
Me: in NY we call Rivera "Mo"
Vin : oops
Me: it's all good
Vin : i guess i dont live in NY
Me: I know...Vaugh never should've left Boston...
Me: inning over
Vin : 9 up 9 down eh
Me: yah
Me: life is good
Vin : this is a little slow, but o.k
Vin : maybe 3 or 5 sec delay
Me: did you read the Boston Herald article from this morning (Boston time)??
Vin : not yet which one??
Me: about "How to Beat the Yankees"...it was a Peter Gammons impersonation
Me: I came across this article purely by accident...but it gave me a good laugh
Me: yeah Jeter!
Vin : reading it now
Vin : hold on
Me: ight
Me: Jeter on 2nd, A-Rod on first...no outs...Sheffield at bat, not lookin good man
Vin : wow way behind alex is still at bat
Vin : jeter on first
Vin : lol
Me: lol
Vin : alex still up
Me: 2-0 to Sheff
Me: 3-1
Vin : damn
Me: NICE!
Vin : arod got on first
Vin : lol
Me: crowd on their feet
Me: goin nuts
Vin : what
Me: full count
Vin : nothing yet right??
Me: barely a strike
Vin : KKK
Me: walked him
Vin : damn
Me: bases juiced no one out for Matsui
Vin : damn japs
Me: hah!
Vin : he is mint
Me: yeah he is
Me: if he aint Bernie or Posada will be
Me: matsui hit a ball off the wall
Vin : yeah yeah
Me: bases cleared
Me: 5-0
Vin : what??
Vin : shit
Me: hahahaha
Me: they whole stadium is shaking like an earthquake now
Vin : japanese suck!!!
Vin : damn matsui
Me: missed being a grand slam by a few feet
Vin : he has a shitload of rbi's
Vin : 4 now
Me: Matsui scores on a sac fly
Me: by Posada
Vin : this is getting ugly

and it just went downhill later...he logged off yahoo msngr before the Sox came back...he later left me this msg...

Vin : here is message for ya!!!! exciting game!! shitty outcome!! let's get pedro to put the lights out.

Isn't Pedro the one who started this whole thing with Who's Your Daddy?

Yanks 1 - Sox 0